Dear Parents,
The relationships we establish with each other as adults significantly affect the mental and physiological health and social life of our children. Based on this point of view, in this issue, "How is effective and correct communication with children?" Communication, which means sharing the meanings among individuals, can reach positive goals in our lives as long as it provides the desired benefit.Individuals who listen to each other, try to understand, communicate with a respectful and empathetic approach while communicating become role models for their children to participate in society in a healthy way. The effective form of communication we establish with children greatly affects their perspectives on themselves and others, their school success, their choices in areas such as choosing a profession and spouse, their self-confidence, the pleasure they get from life, their communication skills, human relations and mental health. It shows our ability to exchange ideas and feelings with others, both verbally and nonverbally. incomplete without communication. However, the process of developing communication skills for each child may develop differently. In this sense, there are some milestones that we observe as an indication that our children are making progress in accordance with their development as they grow up.
Effective and correct communication starts from infancy.
From the day they are born, children try to communicate with ways and methods suitable for the characteristics of the developmental period they are in. For example, a newborn baby cries to meet his needs, while a 9-year-old child wants clear answers to his questions. At its most basic, it is to strengthen self-confidence and self-perception in the life journey of a person from infancy to childhood, from childhood to adulthood.
After mental development, the importance of effective communication increases.
As time passes, the baby develops not only physically, but also mentally. Children who learn new words, make new connections in their minds, and make appropriate and adequate deductions continue their speech development actively, especially between the ages of one and a half and three. The child, who realizes that he is actively listened to from the first moment he starts speaking, communicates comfortably. In this way, he easily transfers his thoughts to his parents. Children who know that their parents are listening to them carefully show the same behavior when listening to another individual.
The foundation of communication is family.
While children develop their communication skills, they are greatly affected by the dynamics of communication within the family. In a clearer language; The language of communication you use towards your environment and your child, the methods and ways you choose to communicate form the cornerstones of the communication bridge your child will build against the world.
The most basic way of effective and correct communication is to be smiling.
Smiling causes the release of the hormone oxytocin in our brain. Oxytocin reduces anxiety and stress levels while balancing our mood. It also triggers positive emotions such as affection, trust, protection and cooperation. A smiling person is a mature person.
So what should we do to establish healthy communication with children?
Let's control our emotions when talking to children.
Children pay attention to how it is said rather than what is said. Children often get the message that they are angry when what you say is expressed in angry language, even if it is to their benefit.
Making eye contact is an active part of communication.
When communicating with children, whatever the subject is, let's take care to speak at their eye level. Eye contact enables the child to better understand and interpret what is being said, and to feel valued and important. That's why, when children want to say something to their parents, they pull them by the chin and ask them to look at themselves.
Let's use expressions about their behavior in communication with children.
Considering the attention span and mental capacities of children, abstract and long sentences that approach the subject very indirectly may hinder the delivery of the intended message. Children who are still in the concrete thinking stage tend to better understand and apply concrete examples. For example: “We must behave properly when eating.” His expression may not mean much to the child. With a direct behavioral and concrete expression, “It is not appropriate to talk while we have food in our mouth, because the person in front of us may be uncomfortable with this image.” It will be more effective if you say.
The fact that there is a cause-effect relationship in the spoken sentences helps the child to assimilate better.
Every child – although he cannot express this as clearly as adults – wonders why there are expectations for him. If you want your words to have a more meaningful place in your child's world, try to give them with their reasons and results.
Absorb your child's feelings and express your understanding.
One of the most basic needs of children when communicating is the need to be understood. Children, whose ability to express their emotions are not yet developed as adults, may become angry, withdrawn, or unable to communicate when they feel that they are not understood. The most beautiful and beneficial method for this is to show your child that you understand the emotion you see in them. “I see that you are upset right now and I understand…”, “You seem a little angry because you argued with your friend…”, “I think this has made you a little worried, I can understand.” Conversations that start with sentences like these will make the children feel understood and will strengthen the language of communication between you.
Talking about your own feelings provides the development of the child in terms of empathy and strengthens your communication.
Since communication is not one-way, talking about your own feelings as well as understanding children's feelings will help strengthen the communication you have with your child. “The word you said made me feel very happy, thank you.”, “This incident we went through made me feel as sad as you do, I feel sad too.” Phrases like these will not only increase the quality of your communication with your child, but will also provide a good opportunity for your child to better recognize and understand emotions and develop their empathy skills.
Express the desired behavior from the child with positive sentences.
Children may experience confusion when they encounter negative sentence patterns during communication. For example, the child who hears the word "don't" may not be able to show the behavior change you expect because he/she cannot get the necessary information about what he/she should not do and why. Drawing attention to the desired behavior instead of drawing attention to the undesirable behavior is also an important cue for using positive patterns. "You'd better walk slow" rather than "run fast." Making a sentence can increase the effectiveness of communication between you and your child. Drawing attention to the desired behavior instead of drawing attention to the undesirable behavior is also an important cue for using positive patterns.
You should embrace your mistakes and failures as well as your good sides and successes.
For parents, being proud and bragging about the positive and good aspects of their children is universal and easy for every parent. But children don't grow up without mistakes, and they don't want their mistakes to make them feel bad. For this reason, you should protect your child's good aspects and successes, as well as his mistakes and failures, and you should tell him the right path with patience and kindness. This approach will give your child the behavior of correcting his mistakes and will ensure that he does not lose his self-respect.
Remember! Children learn about life by modeling their parents. The way you treat your child and those around you has a significant impact on the child's communication style and personality.
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