Confidence

Self-concept can be defined as the sum of the individual's mental and physical characteristics and the individual's self-evaluation of all these characteristics. Self-perception begins to form with the verbal or non-verbal attitudes of the parents towards the child. Whether the child is loved or not in the family, whether he is seen as smart or stupid, always affects his image of himself.

Self-image is what the individual is; ideal self is the self that the individual desires to be; Self-esteem, on the other hand, shows the individual's feelings about the difference between what he is and what he wants to be.

In the psycho-social developmental stages of the child, the period that begins with birth and continues until the age of one is considered a period in which "basic confidence" is formed. Consistent, sufficient and continuous maternal care in this period; it also allows the baby to perceive the world as a coherent, safe and secure place.

Until the age of three, the child's perception of himself is determined by the attitudes of the people around him, since his awareness of his abilities is not sufficient. After the age of three, children constantly ask questions and make attempts to understand the events around them. The reactions they will receive from their environment during these attempts also constitute the second cornerstone of self-confidence development.

The child who starts primary school is now ready to take on a responsibility; Instead of playing games, the desire to produce something and be successful has emerged. In the adult world, when he starts to do things like using tools, driving nails, helping to set the plates on the table, washing the fruits, his self-confidence and desire to succeed increase when he is appreciated by the environment. In this period, it is of great importance to reveal and develop the sense of achievement in children. School life at this age provides appropriate environments for the child to realize his own capacity and affects the development of awareness level.

The young person comes out of adolescence having found his identity. Giving responsibility by the family to the young person will contribute to his/her decision-making and problem-solving skills. The fact that the young person goes through this process in a healthy way is directly related to the level of self-confidence.

Although the period from infancy to adolescence is important and decisive in the development of self-confidence, in fact, the development of self-confidence continues by being influenced by the experiences that people have throughout their lives.

So, although self-perception and self-confidence are abstract concepts, where can we see this concretely in our lives? The child's self-perception and self-confidence are directly related to their academic success. Children with positive self-perception and self-confidence are more enterprising, more confident, more agile in school work, and are more curious to learn new things. Because their motivation to learn is high. Success or failure does not affect the child's motivation to learn. But the reactions of parents, teachers, and other important adults to success and failure are decisive.

When adults applaud successful performance and punish failure, the child worries that his abilities are not meeting expectations. A child needs encouragement from adults to master an activity. It is effort, not performance, that counts; Emphasis on performance can lead to decreased or excessive effort, thus leading to anxiety. The boy who managed to put on his shoes for the first time on his own proudly shows it to his father. Father, looking indifferently; "You're wearing your shoes wrong," he says. Here, the father overlooked the importance of the child's effort. However, the boy was able to put on his shoes for the first time...

Self-perception and self-confidence play an important role not only in the academic success and entrepreneurship of the child, but also in value development. An individual who has developed a positive self-perception creates his own values. The individual, who creates his own values, can easily reveal his wishes, discomforts and expectations in any social environment. Since he can reveal himself comfortably, he is less affected by the negative influences around him. Especially in adolescence, children who are influenced by friend groups rather than family can cope with peer pressure more easily if their self-confidence has improved. For example; branded dressing, truancy, etc...

Individuals with high self-confidence clearly reveal their own needs; They are individuals who respect the rights of others and are not fixed-minded. They can accept the praise and praise the other, receive and criticize constructive criticism. While doing all these, they show a safe attitude, not an aggressive attitude. A person with a secure attitude makes his choices in line with his own goals. It has no purpose to prove anything to others, to belittle or blame others.

Individuals with developed self-confidence are at peace with themselves; so they have inner peace. Their approach to people, events and problems around them is positive; They evaluate others on their positive side. It is very pleasant to associate with these people; One of the reasons for this is that these people always see the glass as half full and hope to have good experiences and get good results from them. Such people think positively about their future.

People with positive self-perception and self-confidence evaluate themselves more realistically as a whole with their positive and negative aspects. Since they know their weak points as well as their strengths, they set goals that are suitable for them and reach their goals more quickly. While knowing oneself well affects the development of self-confidence, individuals with high self-confidence are more open to getting to know and develop themselves. Here we see a reciprocal relationship; Helping the development of one positively affects the other. For example; Children of parents with high expectations develop a "false" ego formed by behaviors and attitudes that do not belong to them in order to please their elders. In doing so, they lose their instinctive interest in self-discovery and do not feel comfortable and try to be someone different from themselves. In other words, they distance themselves from their true selves and their self-confidence disappears. This creates a constant source of stress in one's life.

What can you do to improve self-confidence or self-esteem?

Parents should show that they love their children with their words and behaviors, and they should make them feel that their children are a great source of happiness for them. Children need to know that they are loved for “who they are” and to feel that their presence is valued when they are at home, and that they are missed when they are not at home.

Children have an unlimited capacity to understand the world. But to unlock this capacity, they must first discover that they live in a safe and orderly world where all their needs are met. Communication and interaction within the family cause the child to create a perception that the world is a safe or unsafe place. If the child feels anything that threatens the relationship between the parents, it also makes him doubt that his own needs will be met, upsetting his confidence. The child thinks that the conflict between the parents means that they do not love him. The communication style to be established with children should not threaten family relations. Children should be supported to participate in social environments and activities where they will try themselves and their abilities. In these environments and events, honest and constructive information should be given about their success or failure. In this way, they will get to know themselves, set their goals more realistically, and move forward with confident steps towards the future.

Everyone's success is unique. While one individual is very successful, another can show this success by working hard or in a different field. While the children are being guided, the achievements of their peers or other people should not be shown as an example, and comparisons should not be made. Each individual is unique and special, the development of each child within himself should be accepted as success, unrealistic expectations that exceed the child's capacity should not be created by targeting the success of others. An overly demanding parent pushes their child into insecurity and anxiety, but an overprotective parent causes the same weaknesses in the child. Overprotective parents limit their children's entrepreneurship and ability to take responsibility because they protect their children from life's negativities and difficulties, and instead of teaching them problem-solving, they solve their own problems. This leads to the growth of insecure individuals who cannot cope with the difficulties of life. One of the effective ways for children to develop their self-confidence is to set an example for them. Children love to have their parents tell their stories. They also love that their parents take them to work and occasionally include them in their own sports and recreational activities. All of these shares are important for children to learn that they are important in your life, as well as to model you.

As a personality variable, an individual's self-confidence, like other dimensions of our personality, shows a certain stability. Just as we cannot change our personality, character and disposition in a very short time, we cannot change our self-confidence in a short time and radically. A step we will take to improve our child's self-confidence will not make him/her very safe, and a wrong behavior in this regard will not reduce his/her trust to zero. This is a process job; It is important to take the first step, it is necessary to be conscious and patient in this regard.

We wish you a happy and prosperous year.

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