Tantrums are a normal developmental stage for ages 2-6, because the brain areas that manage emotions are not yet mature. The answer is not punishment but co-regulation: stay calm first, name the feeling, set a safe limit. Emotional skills are a social-emotional development area that matters just as much as academic ones.
A child melting down on the supermarket floor, crying when a toy is taken away, or kicking when you say "no"... Sound familiar? Tantrums are one of the most exhausting yet most natural parts of the preschool years. In this article we explain why tantrums happen and how to support emotional regulation in children aged 2-6.
Why Do Tantrums Happen?
Young children have not yet fully developed the brain regions (the prefrontal cortex) that regulate emotions. So a child isn't "being naughty"; they are expressing a big feeling they can't yet manage with the tools they have. Tiredness, hunger, over-stimulation, frustration and not being able to express themselves are the most common triggers.
What to Do During a Tantrum
- Stay calm first: The child "borrows" calm from you and settles. This is called co-regulation.
- Name the feeling: "You're very angry, you don't want to leave the toy." Naming the emotion soothes the child.
- Keep everyone safe: If there is hitting or throwing, gently stop it; set a limit on the behaviour but not on the feeling.
- Don't argue: A meltdown is not a teaching moment. First calm down, then talk.
How Does Emotional Regulation Develop?
Emotional regulation is a learned skill that develops over time. What helps: talking about and naming feelings, calming routines (like "balloon breathing"), a predictable daily rhythm, and a parent who models it. A child learns by watching how you manage your own anger.
When Is Professional Support Needed?
Tantrums are normal; but if they are very frequent and long, involve serious harm to self or others, intensify after age 4-5, or clearly disrupt daily life, it is helpful to consult a child development specialist.
Social-Emotional Development at IEYP
In early childhood education, social-emotional development matters as much as letters and numbers. At IEYP, the teacher regularly observes each child's emotion regulation, turn-taking and sharing skills. Lumi analyses these observations and suggests personalised activities; families follow this growth concretely through the IEYP App.
Explore more with IEYP
Frequently Asked Questions
Yes. Tantrums between ages 1-4 are a typical developmental stage, because the brain areas that regulate emotions are not yet mature. Frequency and intensity usually decrease with age.
Stay calm yourself first, name the feeling ("you're very angry"), keep everyone safe, and avoid arguing or teaching during the meltdown. Talk once the child has calmed down.
Punishment usually suppresses the feeling but does not teach regulation. A more effective approach is to set a gentle limit on the behaviour and co-regulate the emotion together.
Track Your Child's Social-Emotional Growth with IEYP
See how AI-powered development tracking follows the social-emotional area, up close. Get in touch with us.
