Sibling jealousy is a natural feeling born from a child's fear of losing their love and their place. The solution is not comparison or "don't be jealous!", but giving each child one-on-one special time, accepting the feeling, and making the older child feel valued rather than burdened. Managed well, siblinghood becomes one of a child's strongest social-emotional schools.
A new sibling is one of the happiest events for a family — but for the older child it can also mean their whole world turning upside down. The attention that used to be all theirs is now shared. That's why sibling jealousy is completely natural. In this article we cover the causes and how to manage it in a healthy way.
Why Does Sibling Jealousy Happen?
For young children, a parent's attention is a source of security. When a new sibling arrives, the child fears losing that attention and therefore their place. Jealousy is really the behaviour-form of the question "do you still love me?". So the way to reduce it is to make the child feel loved and secure in their place.
How to Prepare for a New Sibling
- During pregnancy, inform the child in an age-appropriate way.
- Instead of pressure like "you're a big brother/sister now", explore the change together.
- Try not to time big changes (changing rooms, starting preschool) with the baby's arrival.
Approaches That Ease Jealousy
- One-on-one special time: Each day, set aside a short time just for the older child. This is the strongest antidote to jealousy.
- Accept the feeling: "Sometimes you get angry with your sibling, that's normal." Forbidding the feeling makes it grow.
- Avoid comparison: Sentences like "look, your sibling isn't crying" fuel rivalry.
- Include, don't burden: Involve the older child with small tasks, but don't trap them in a "mum's helper" role.
- Don't take sides: As much as possible, guide them to find the solution together.
Siblinghood: A Social-Emotional School
Managed well, the sibling relationship is a unique space that teaches sharing, turn-taking, empathy and conflict resolution. These skills also reflect directly onto the child's peer relationships at preschool. We covered school adaptation and peer relationships in a separate article.
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Frequently Asked Questions
Yes, completely normal. The child fears losing their parent's attention and their place. Jealousy usually fades over time with appropriate attention and security.
The most effective method is to set aside one-on-one special time just for the older child every day. It also helps to accept their feeling and avoid comparing the siblings.
Where possible, keep everyone safe and guide them to find the solution together without taking sides. Constantly favouring one child can increase rivalry.
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